Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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