DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
