I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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