Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
