So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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