I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
