Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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