i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
