I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
