I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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