if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
