Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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