i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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