I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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