He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
