one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The power of my boobs compel you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
