According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
