What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
