If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize