I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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