My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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