we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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