dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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