Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
