Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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