Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Never underestimate the power of titties
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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