i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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