My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
