I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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