you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
