she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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