they need to just BURY HIM!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
