I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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