You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
