those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
