He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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