So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
