I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
