I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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