when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
