No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
