Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
