he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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