if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
