We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
