I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
