I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
