Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
