He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
