Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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