i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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