he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
