Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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