She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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