I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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