We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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