you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
