I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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