I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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