Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
