Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
