We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
third nipple confirmed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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