dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
