shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
