Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
