Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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