Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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