Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
