i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
