about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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