this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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