She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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