there was a trapeze. enough said
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
