DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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