Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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