Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
