I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
