so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
third nipple confirmed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
