I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
