Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
