The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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